


on your chest where my faith will rest

by insouuuuf



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Crisis of Faith, F/M, First Time, Not Canon Compliant, Post-Episode: s02e08 One Breath, Post-abduction, Romance, Season/Series 02, Trust, necklace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-15 07:13:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28559628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insouuuuf/pseuds/insouuuuf
Summary: « She's right. He could have kept the necklace anywhere. In the pocket of his suit jacket, or of his pants or in his apartement or in one of his basement office's (dusty) drawers. But no. He hid it where it could be safe from harm ; something he failed to do with her. »This one shot is canon-divergent and deals with faith. My apologies if my interpretation of her faith offends anyone, it's my views and mine only.DISCLAIMER : Some phrases regarding Scully's faith are directly inspired by what she said in the seventeeth episode of season 5, "All Souls".
Relationships: Fox Mulder & Dana Scully, Fox Mulder & Margaret Scully, Fox Mulder/Dana Scully, Fox Mulder/Margaret Scully
Comments: 1
Kudos: 18





	on your chest where my faith will rest

It's been a week and a half since she woke up. On the second day, she was discharged from the hospital. Her mother asked her if she needed her care but Margaret knew the answer before asking the question : Dana said no ; of course she did.

So when her daughter was busy getting ready to leave not to notice, she lead Mulder by his upper arm to the corridor – because Mulder was also there, of course he was – asking him to be her eyes and hears, whispering the words in the depth of his ear.

_This is so intimate_ , he thinks. This favor is so intimate. He feels privileged. He feels like he knows something that no one else does. When did he become so much trustworthy for them to be that comfortable around each other ?

So, yes, of course, he accepted to be Margaret Scully's number two ; following up on his promise ; but, really, he would have looked after her either way.

The one thing he did no plan that very same night, is that they made love.

It was spontaneous. It was... in the heat of the moment.

He has been terrified of loosing her.

She was relieved to – finally – see some familiar faces.

And again, the next night.

He had convinced himself to stay just to make sure she was okay ; after all, he made a promise.

She told herself that she wanted to be near him. She just wanted to be near him.

And again, and again, and again.

She dosen't know where this is leading her. All she knows is that she almost died, and now she's alive, and she just needs the familiarity of him close to her. All the time. And not only because she wants his comfort.

She knows this is not ok. She knows that deep inside, she's suffering. Of course she is, everything's changed. But she knows how to lessen this pain ; it will just take some time to get there.

*

It's 5am. Today marks the week and a half since she woke up.

A few hours ago, he told her he'd be staying, again. And they made love, again.

Now, it's 5am, and he’s laying on the right side of her bed, boxers on, toes sneaking out of the covers, hair all messy, chest completely bare.

She, on the other hand, is sitting next to him on the left side of the bed, her back to him and her barefeet almost touching the floor. She’s wearing his white shirt, only one button closed. Her face is down, looking at a book – whatever this is she's holding – because really, she’s not giving it too much thought for she is thinking about anything and everything.

The sun is not up yet ; the dusk light still finding her way into her bedroom.

He wakes up and rubs his eyes.

_She's there_.

Now, he's on his knees, right behind her and without any warning, he places a kiss in the crook of her neck.

She almost jumps at the touch.

« I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. » he says, his voice still a little bit hoarsed.

« It's okay, I just didn’t sleep very well. »

She never had one good night sleep ever since she came back. She's not been herself for days, she knows that. But she's trying to find herself again ; she really is.

« Did you get some rest at least ?

« Just a little. »

« It’s only five. You can sleep a couple hours more if you want. » he whispers, strocking her arms ever so gently.

He's wearing her necklace. He still is. And right now, that cross is swinging ; onward to her, backward to him.

« No, Mulder, it's okay, I’m not sleepy anymore. »

« All right. » He kisses her shoulder. « I’m gonna go use the toilets »

She chuckles and her face leans to his, ever so carefully. « Okay. »

Now, he just got out of the bathroom when he starts speaking, not looking at her but at something in his hand. « Hey Scully, there’s uh... there’s something I meant to give you back a few days ago but then I forgot. »

He did not forget. He waited for her to tell him she wanted it back.

But she never did.

He's crawling back to bed, right behind her in the exact same position he was when he left her. « Here ». He hands her her necklace. The palm of her hand is open and she welcomes it back. She stares at it for a while, plays with the cross.

He's in a sitting position against her pillow now, knees in front him and his arms resting on it. « Your mother asked me to keep it so I can be the one to give it back to you. »

She smiles, weakly. « Thank you. »

« I also told her that I... I didn't really understand why you would wear it if you were such a skeptic. »

She chuckles again. « It was a gift from my mother for my 15th birthday. »

« Yeah... that's what she told me too. »

She looks at him, just for a beat. Then back to her necklace.

« When I first had it, I didn't really know what to do with it. »

« Yeah ? »

She nods, very slowly for a few times. « I was fifteen. In my memories, it was just a nice jewlerry to hold on to, nice color, very shiny, very sacred but nothing more. It's only over time that I grew attached to it. »

« How so ? » he aks, ever soflty.

« Because at some point in my life, I've learned and heard and seen enough about the world to rely on the power of my beliefs to keep me sane. When the worst parts of the world became too much to handle for me, that's when I started to put meaning onto that cross. »

« What meaning is that ? »

She takes a deep breath. « That for everything that happens, even the bad parts, God has his reasons, however mysterious they may be. That I don't have control over everything and that's okay."

He nodded a few times. « But ? »

He sensed the « but » coming. He sensed it because he knows that tone of voice. The one she uses when she has one more thing to say to counter-balance what she's stating.

She smiles and raises her head. Now she's looking right in front of her, right though her window.

« In our job, we work for strangers, all the time. When something happens to someone I don't know, I would feel sad or some kind of pity for this person and then I'll try to catch the guy and that's it. When it happens to someone else, I would rest the reasons for the tragedy to be happening in the first place beyond my control. But then, as soon as it happens to me, as soon as my autonomy is in danger, I want the answers to everything. I want to be... in control. » A beat. « Is this selfish of me ? »

He shakes his head very slowly and whispers : « You can't save everyone Scully. Nobody can. »

She looks at him. « The thing is, now Mulder, I don't even know how to save myself. » She looks away. A pause. « Something horrible happened to me. And I don't know what to do with that because I don't remember what happened. All I know is that it happened to me and now I'm confused because I want... I need answers that, for right now, my beliefs can't provide for me. »

« I'm sorry, I-I don't know what else to say. »

She turns to him. Her face and body are now facing him, completely. « Mulder, can you do something for me ? »

« Yeah, anything. »

She looks down at her necklace in her hand and then back at him. « Can you wear this cross for a little while ? Can you... hang onto it, just a little longer ? »

He frowns. « You don't want it back ? »

Now he's afraid. He's never been crazy about that cross, nor has he ever understood why she ever wear it. But he always guessed this meant something positive to her, nonetheless.

So, this is not good. This is Scully loosing hope and faith and seeing her going down a dangerous path that he cannot let her take.

« I do. But not now. Because I wouldn't know what to do with it. If I ever want to believe in it again, I need to create a new meaning for that cross.»

He feels uneasy. « Scully... I... uh... I don't want to upset you but I'm not a God's fan. I don't believe in all this. And I can see how much this necklace means to you so that's why I think I'm not the best recipient for it. »

« Why did you wear it Mulder ? »

He's taken a little aback by this question.

She's right. He could have kept the necklace anywhere. In the pocket of his suit jacket, or of his pants or in his apartement or in one of his basement office's (dusty) drawers. But no. He hid it where it could be safe from harm ; something he failed to do with her.

« Because I missed you. » He looks at the cross in the palm of her hand. « This was all I had of you. »

« And for now I want you to have it because you're my belief that I can have answers, Mulder. For me, you're the one who's in control now. I-I can't wear that cross until I'm fairly certain that I will find my answers for what happened to me. I understand it doesn't mean a lot for you to have it, but for me, it's everything. »

« On my chest ? »

She smiles to him ; this one is earned, not faked. « Yes. Just for now. And besides, it does look good on your chest. » A beat. « Especially when I'm on top. » She blushes, just a little bit, but her smile never leaves her face.

He comes closer to her. Now he has three things to look after : her, her cross and the guarantee that she will have all the asnwers she needs to heal again. « Yeah, I can do that. »

Both her arms embrace his neck as she hangs her cross where it belongs, just for now. Then, she holds his face with both hands, placing the tenderest kiss on his lips. « Thank you. »

He nods. _I'm a great number two_ , he thinks.


End file.
